When I sat down to think about what I wanted to write about this week, I flipped my calendar open to November to see what was going on at BL that might warrant mentioning. Two things caught my eye on November 5th and in my mind, they instantly merged as one. My oldest daughter Jamie’s birthday and our Strong Like Mom workshop. You see, I just got back from visiting Jamie in Atlanta a few weeks ago and was so impressed with her ability to juggle her 3 children, all their activities, her marriage, her household and her job…all while keeping her cool. Now, I know there’s a lot of you women out there doing the same and I commend all of us for all we do as our roles as a mother BUT…what really makes me admire my daughter Jamie is knowing the path that it took for her to get where she is now. It hasn’t been an easy one…and today she gave me permission to share some of her story with all of you.
Rewind to the year 2001. Jamie is a freshman at U of M. She was accepted into their Engineering program and that semester her classes included Physics, Calculus, & Computer Programming (I know…classic underachiever…not). Although she worked hard, school and testing came pretty easy to her. She was a smart kid. Every Friday I would drive to Ann Arbor to take her out to lunch. I’ll never forgot the Italian restaurant we were sitting at when she said to me…” Mom yesterday when I walked from Physics to Calculus there were 269 steps and today there were only 265!!” And then next out of her mouth came “I tried calling you at BL on Friday and you didn’t answer even though you said you were done teaching at 9:15 and it was 9:16. I needed to ask you if there were 2 “s’s” in the word Successful or 2 “c’s”, but you didn’t answer.” Ok, so once I started to process the magnitude of what she was saying, I immediately thought my daughter had endured some kind of trauma while away at college that would cause her to be obsessed with these seemingly trivial details. Having witnessed a fair amount of mental illness in my life I knew I had to get her in to talk to someone asap. So Tuesday morning, Dave and I went with her to see a psychiatrist. After listening to Jamie for just a few minutes, she diagnosed her with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and was put on some heavy duty meds. The way the doctor described it was her obsessive thoughts were creating ruts in her mind that were going to get deeper and deeper unless something was done to free her from these ruminations. And although she might not have to be on these drugs forever, they were needed to keep these ruts from getting deeper. She also recommended talk therapy and reading a book called The Brain Lock by Jeffrey M.Schwartz, M.D. We did it all. Jamie was so fragile though and had such a rough time of talking herself out of these ruts initially that I ended up either driving her home every night from college or I stayed in her dorm room with her and her roommate. Chris had to jump in and take over BL. I was determined to help her get through her last 6 weeks of her Freshman year. I didn’t want her to have to drop out and feel like a failure. I accompanied her to most of her classes and when she had to run out of class because her thoughts were overwhelming her, I would stay and take notes for her. Needless to say, it was a tough 6 weeks, but she (we) made it through. She passed all her classes. Me, Dave, and her sisters all greeted her after her last final, standing outside of a Starbucks cheering for her as she met us to take her home for the summer. It was a big accomplishment. The meds and therapy were working. She got better.
Fast forward 10 years later…she is living in Fort Lauderdale and dating Brett (who is now her husband). They both decided to go back to school to become Anesthesia Assistants. It’s a rigorous program that’s hard to get into and hard to complete. Oh, and Brett has just proposed to her. Our whole family flies down to celebrate the engagement and Christmas with Jamie and Brett. Just a few weeks after getting home from that trip I get a text from Brett saying, “Andrea I need your help.” He described what Jamie was struggling with and I knew right away I needed to book a one-way flight to Atlanta. The psychologist she had seen 10 years prior actually told us that this type of disease tends to re-emerge and even referenced a 10-year cycle. I knew I had to fly down to find a good doctor in Ft Lauderdale who could help her. It took a bit of time and a lot of therapy to get her back on track…but she did.
We are now 12 years past that second OCD flair up. Phew!! She has navigated the hormonal roller coaster of 3 births and the emotional roller coaster of 3 miscarriages. She works 3-4 days a week as an Anesthesia Assistant, has been happily married for 11 years, has 3 children who adore her and a great group of girlfriends.
I share this part of Jamie’s journey with all of you for a couple of reasons.
1) To dispel some of the stigma of mental illness. It’s ok to share that you or a loved one suffers from mental illness. In fact, your strength lies in your willingness to get help.
2) To recognize the power of Stress in our lives, understanding that this can be a trigger for so many diseases both mental and physical.
3) To remind us all that the pics on social media don’t tell the whole story. Take the time to be curious, to ask questions, to listen, and to really get to know someone. And lastly..
4) To let Jamie know (and now all of you) how incredibly proud I am of her…proud of who she is and all she has overcome to fight for the life she has today.
Let her story be an inspiration to all of us.
It’s one day at a time…keep fighting!!
Love you Jame!!
Happy Birthday!!
