Hey guys…just wanted to give you a heads up that for the next couple of weeks I’ll be handing off my Sunday antics to Sarah. Most of you know Sarah as a rock star massage therapist and recently she has taken on the role of desk manager as well. In addition to being such a huge asset to BL, Sarah is truly one of my favorite humans. Her journey has been such an inspiration to me and so many others, that I wanted to give her a platform to share her weight loss story with all of you.
So here you go…take it away Sarah…
Being vulnerable is hard.
This all started with a look.
I was at a blood drive in April, getting my blood pressure checked before donating. It was 90/64. The woman taking it made a face of disbelief, followed by the up and down glance at my body. She asked if that was normal for me. I told her it was the low end of my average, but I had gone to a weight training class beforehand, so it tracked. She did another glance at my midsection, then thankfully moved on.
Now, when you've been chubby/overweight/obese/fluffy/husky/whatever a fair chunk of your life, you get used to the looks. The subtle smirk when you order a Diet Coke (which no one orders these days because they think it's healthier for them; I like that burning, sweet sweet cancer taste only carbonated aspartame can give you). The eyebrow lift when you get a side of seasonal vegetables with your entrée instead of the mac n cheese. The confusion when you summit a mountain and this really fit couple sees you sitting with your friend having a snack, and they ask you if you just climbed the mountain (no b*tch, I flew ???), and then patronizingly give you a high five, and you feel obligated to do it because they're probably trying to be encouraging, but really you just want to use your extra weight to your advantage and manhandle them off the cliff. I was - I am - used to it. But for whatever reason, this lady was the straw that broke my back.
At my revolving door meeting with Andrea and Chris back in May, I told them I had this idea. I wanted to share my weight loss story. I wasn't sure how or when. I just knew that lady pissed me off, and I wanted to break some myths about being fat and weight loss and health and what it actually looks like. Or can look like. Everyone's journey is different. My hope for you, reader, if you struggle with your weight, is you can see it can be done in a healthy, manageable, lasting way. But to do that, you have to start with the why.
Part One: Habits Start Young
You don't get obese overnight. I won't delve too much into my upbringing, but it's relevant. I grew up poor. When you grow up poor, food becomes A Thing. Usually that Thing is a problem. We never went without eating, but there were times I would eat 2-3 pieces of cheap white bread for dinner. Maybe there were other options, but they wouldn't have been any better for me. Couple poverty with being a 90s kid, and I lived on cereal, bread, frozen meals and canned/boxed pasta. Which, if you've ever looked it up or been to one of Andrea's nutrition lectures, you know that all breaks down into sugar. And sugar is great for a quick dopamine hit! I was addicted to sugar from a single digit age, unaware of how that would affect me later on.
I also developed a scarcity mindset. When your parents can't cook and the options suck even if they made it "right", if you're lucky enough to get pizza for supper, you eat as much of it as you can while it's there. Especially because my dad would eat anything that wasn't claimed with a name on it. And if you did put your name on it, you had a day to eat it before it was fair game. (Spoiler: he did a lot of drugs, and he used food to cope with both the high and his own mental health issues.) All of that to say, I learned to binge eat at a young age. I put on a lot of weight when puberty hit me at 9. No one thought much of it because I was "growing". I lost a lot of that weight in an unhealthy way when I was 13-14: intermittent fasting, calorie deficiency and exercise increase all at once. In hindsight, when I did the math, I was medically anorexic. Sure, I looked "good"/healthy, but I was malnourished. Surprise: it didn't last. The day I started eating a normal amount of calories again, I slowly put the weight back on. When I went off to undergrad, I was a little chubby. When I left undergrad, I was (un)comfortably overweight. And I still didn't know how to manage it.
Next week: Stress and what can happen when you don't deal with it
